The injuries we do and the injuries we suffer are seldom weighed on the same scales..............

How was your Christmas...........




Bit of fun.......or a serious satire............................?

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument..........................

LOVE AND LIGHT TO YOU ALL FOR THE NEW YEAR!!

Christmas Warning..........

Rumour has it that Christmas may have to be cancelled.........

It seems that Santa has been partying a little too hard.......

and drinking and driving is definitely not a good idea.............

One last thing......
Be careful when choosing your turkey this year...............................

The Real 12 Days Of Christmas....................

Apologies for my absence!!!

Christmas, work etc........blah, blah..... excuse, excuse, sorry, sorry, sorry........
If you're still out there......This is an old one, but it still makes me laugh....& maybe you too.
1st you need to catch up..........


Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 14
Dearest John: I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 15
Dearest John: Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine - Two Turtle Doves! I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 16
Dearest John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity - Three French Hens! They are just delightful, but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 17
Dearest John: Today the postman delivered Four Calling Birds. Now really, you're being too romantic. They are beautiful, but don't you think that enough is enough?
Affectionately,
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 18
Dearest John: What a surprise! Today the postman delivered Five Golden Rings - one for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
Love,
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 19
Dear John:
When I opened the door, there were actually Six Geese-A-Laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 20
John:
What's with you and those birds? Seven Swans-A-Swimming! What kind of a joke is that? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck - it's not funny. So stop with those fucking birds!
Sincerely,
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 21
OK Buster!
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 Maids a Milking? It's not enough with all these birds and maids a milking, but they had to bring their fucking cows! There's shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house
Just lay off me, smartass!
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 22
You Shithead: What are you, some kind of fucking sadist? Now there are nine Pipers Piping! And shit do they play! They haven't stopped chasing those fucking stupid maids since they got here. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those bloody screeching birds. What am I supposed to do?
The neighbors have started a petition to evict me!
You'll get yours - you arsewipe
Agnes

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 23
For fuck's sake! Now there's Ten Ladies Dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been shagging the pipers all night long. The cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm setting the police on you.
I mean it fuckface!

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Avenue Beaver Meadow, Col.
December 24
Listen Twat Features: What's with the Eleven Lords a Leaping on those Maids and Ladies? Some of those bitches will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows! All 23 birds are dead, they've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you complete and utter bastard!
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes

Law Offices Badger, Bend & Cajole 303 Knave Street Chicago, Ill.
December 25
Dear Sir: This is to acknowledge receipt of your latest gift of the Twelve Drummers Drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All future cor-respondence should be sent to our attention. If you should attempt to contact Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot on sight! With this letter you will find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Badger, Bend & Cajole

Government Cuts.................

It's come to my attention (possibly via Fox News!), that the massive overspend by the US military, caused by GW's bid for global domination, has led to massive cuts in home spending.

Below is a picture of the new government press office

The police haven't fared any better and their new fleet of cars is somewhat less than what they're used to!

The coastguard are even worse - this is their new coastal patrol vessel

Which is still a step up from their inshore one!

Obviously, the uniform budget has been slashed too!!

GRRRRRR....................

It's no good, I tried to shut my gaping hole about this, but I just can't!
A recent debate has taken place on a well known blog about Muslims vs America.......

I've got to say, I was completely shocked at the level of hostility and supicion directed towards ALL Muslims....not just terrorists or fanatics.

It struck me that many of the people commenting are equally fanatical and their rantings sent a shiver down my spine!
This sort of thinking can only lead to more death and destruction.....

My mother grew up in Germany during WWII and many of the comments reminded me of the stories she has told me about the fascist propoganda of the time. In particular, the way that public hatred towards Jews was engineered amidst an atmosphere of suspicion and lies.

Ring any bells Fox News!

Surely most people in the USA can't really believe this bullshit!

What scared me more then anything, was that these fascist views appeared to be mouthed by articulate, intelligent people. Their generalisations about Muslims and their faith were obnoxious and upsetting.
Using this sort of logic, we can all be stereotyped into religious, racial or regional groups.

So English people live in constant fog, Irish are stupid and Italians are cowards etc..........well you've heard them all before............Fuck off you dipshits!
It's bollocks beyond belief!

I'm not an expert, just an ordinary bloke.......but reading stuff like this makes me despair about the future of humanity.
My sincerest hope is that it was humour in the worst possible taste, rather than a vicious attack.

I'd also like to add that, all the Muslims I've ever met, have been gracious, generous and courteous, with family values that would shame most of us.

So any Americans out there, please tell me that this isn't mainstream thinking in the USA................so I can put my umbrella in the stand, hang up my bowler and spend a quiet evening drinking tea and smoking my pipe.

Private part protection tips..........

I've just visited Colonel Knowledge and the after dinner chat turned to the subject of things to keep away from ones testicles...

Which has inspired me to begin compiling a sort of meme to help us males to keep our gonads intact....

here are the first things that came to mind -

1. Kittens....they don't know one plaything from another...and even if they did - they'd still do it!

2. Wax..includes candle wax, as well as the type mad women use to smooth their hairyness.

3. Vets - especially if they're holding a rubber band.

4. Pete Burns....needs no explanation

5. Aussie fast bowlers

6. Escalators.....might seem like a strange one, but they can give a nasty pinch - and those things are like sharks teeth! Besides which, I had a harrowing childhood experience on an escalator....

7. Zips......should have been number one really.

8. Vacuum cleaners....obviously I'm just surmising here!

9. Sauna seats......towel down first every time!

10. Joan Collins...actually no, scratch that, Ralgex should come before Joan Collins

Bad Decisions 2

Getting your brakes checked might be a pain in the neck, but...........

I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time....

Giving her the marker pen may have kept her quiet........

but definitely a bad decision............

Need I say anything...................................