Confucius say, it take many nail to build crib, one screw to fill it ...................

Is it just me...........

or are people getting lazier?..........................

Not too many visitors to this office I would think.......

Sort of defeats the object of the EXERCISE.......

At least some people are still hard at it!!!

Laptop or craptop though?..........................

There are times in life, when you just know that you've made a bad decision.........

Not the best car to rear end........



Shouldn't have two timed this woman.........

And....oh dear..........................

Artier than ever.........

Following on from the succes of my "still life"

PERFORMANCE ART



The Human Vending Machine

or

Don't ask where the coins go...........

The Orange Hoard

After reading Skint Writers post on artistic creativity -


I was inspired enough to have a stab at art myself......

The Orange Hoard and Bob The Banana

Whaddya reckon?

Helpful Hints 1.

Olympic athletes.......Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower..............................

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.........

WOMEN BE WARNED....



New carrier bags made out of a material developed for the space shuttle program - have proved to have X-ray qualities when used in the Earth's atmosphere.................

To make a long story short, don't tell it..............

Apologies for not blogging this week........if anyone's still coming here!

Here's one for you to think about........and add to...............

Objects with gender..........you may not realise this, but even inanimate objects have a gender....and to prove that fact - here's some examples - mostly stolen of course!

FREEZER BAGS: They are male - because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female - because once turned off, it takes a while
to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male - because they go bald easily and are often over inflated. Also prone to having a leaky valve......

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object - because to get them to go anywhere,
you have to light a fire under their arse.

TRAINS: Definitely male - because they always use the same old lines for picking people up

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.(Gonna get it for that one ...)

HAMMERS: Male - because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all,
but are occasionally handy to have around.

THE TV REMOTE CONTROL: Female - Ha.............You probably thought it would be male, but.........consider this - it easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he still keeps banging away at them in the hope of getting a result.........

LOCKS: Female - Because they stop you from getting where you want to go, unless you've got the right key.....

VACUUM CLEANERS: Male - because they'll suck up most rubbish but are generally only turned on by a woman.......

LIGHT BULBS - Male - easily turned on, but liable to blow up before you've finished what you're doing! - or so I'm told............................

COMPUTERS: Can be colourful, useful and interesting, but are liable to crash for no apparent reason...............I'm not brave enough to say it - so make your own mind up!

A single fact can ruin a good argument.............

After reading Minx's post featuring our "fluffy friends" the cats -

I decided to do some investigating into their real activities.

The results are shocking and despicable.......

So you thought kittens were cute - it's just an act!

Whilst pretending to be super hero friends to humans...

They've been secretly laughing at us all the time!

Secretly stealing the warmth from our homes..

They're behind recent brash, anarchic pop culture ........

And when they're stripped of their furry costumes -

They look like THIS!

Not only that...they're getting BIGGER!

Spending your money on expensive parties.......



Where their friends get drunk in YOUR house - while you're out!

But worse than that...........

They've started to arm themselves

In an evil plot to take over the world

and kill us!!!

The Bastards!

Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change...............

I found this sign and thought, well that's just silly..................................

But then again.................

And on a more serious note........

Deja vous anyone..........



Hmmm......cant help feeling there's a link somewhere..........

MORE SIGNS

In the interest of maintaining my position as a lazy bastard...........

Here's some more signs - of varying usefulness and humour

Worry not that no one knows of you; seek only to be worth knowing...................

HELPFUL SIGNS

Found these whilst trawling the Internet......

and I just felt the need to share them.......................

(The pics that is.....not the girls)

Could be helpful under the right circumstances..............................

.

Definitely helpful..............a cow falling on your head would surely hurt.........

.

No doubt about this one......................

12 Things you never knew about men......or perhaps you did!

Further to Skint Writers post.....................


1. Toilets were designed for sitting on, not for peeing standing...it's not easy to hit the puddle in the middle unless you are 2' 6". ( Especially after sex!) - it's not our fault!

2. Men are genetically programmed not to notice mess - it's not our fault!

3. Men are genetically programmed to get pissed with their mates every Friday night - it's not our fault!

4. Men are genetically programmed to talk bollocks when drunk - also not our fault

5. Men are taught by society (and their dad) from an early age, that they are better drivers than women - so not our fault!

6. Men are allergic to doing shopping, otherwise we'd love to - so really not our fault.

7. The reason men need more leisure time, football, drinking etc.. is because we don't live as long as women, so we need to cram it all into a shorter time span - can't blame us for that then.

8. It is a man's duty not to make his mates look bad, by doing housework, buying flowers etc...so it wouldn't be fair to blame that one on us. As we're only trying to save other peoples relationships.

9. Men are unable to read women's minds, or notice the cryptic signals that they put out, due to a predominant frontal lobe impairment - so definitely not our fault!

10. What's a washing machine?

11. Men have to have the remote control to stop women becoming addicted to soaps and Big Brother. - so thank heavens for that then eh girls.

12. It's not our fault!

QUIZ ANSWER

Can't believe there weren't more attempts at this you lazy buggers................................


But here's the answer anyway................................

Choose either angel (doesn't matter which) and ask them this question-

"If I was to ask the other angel which was the entrance to heaven, what would his answer be?"

Whatever answer you are given will in fact be the entrance to hell so you take the opposite.
Alternatively if you ask same question but using hell instead of heaven whatever answer you are given is in fact the entrance to heaven

Da da

The final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands......

Listening to the radio on Halloween, whilst driving back from a football match, I was dismayed to hear the negativity surrounding this event

Apparently, it has become an excuse for some youths to inflict abuse and criminal damage.

Police forces even increased the amount of officers on duty to cope with the rise in criminal damage and harassment.

Teenagers have apparently been causing damage to property as a "trick", when they are not given a treat. Although what sort of treat they might want, is another issue - a bottle of cider, some drugs,10 quid? Who knows.

Damage in the past has included, smashing windows, throwing eggs and flower, vandalising cars and writing coarse graffitti.

I can't say that I've ever really been into "trick or treating" in a big way - I'm not sure it was even around when I was a lad (many full moons ago).

However. it's a real shame , that once again, a mindless minority are ruining what ought to be a bit of harmless fun for children...........and that should be children!

So I just wanted to say GROW UP DIPSTICKS!

Made me feel better anyway.............................................

Never argue with a fool, he may be doing the same thing...........

Any complaints about the riddle............................

please take a number.........................